My name is Ben. I’m an electrician. I dont like to introduce myself this way because it doesn’t describe me. We, as a culture define ourselves so often by what we do for work. You could meet me, see me in a hard hat, jeans, work boots, and most likely wearing a fair amount of insulation from an attic, and think you know me. You could relate me to the catcalling construction workers stereotypically inserted into too many movies or TV shows, and while I am certainly not that stereotype, I can’t say that it doesn’t exist, I have worked with the walking embodiment of that stereotype on many occasions. But that’s not me. And it is not even the full picture of catcalling construction workers. We are just wired to boil people down to the simplest idea of them and categorize them accordingly. In my time working in construction, I found it fascinating the various personalities and characters that I encountered. Sometimes I would meet a new guy and could swear his personality and mannerisms had been copied over and implanted into another body from someone else I had met, but it was only on the surface. I would find my own initial judgments and ideas of people to be shattered after taking the time to know them. Guys who acted tough on the surface would bring up their kids, and I would see a “tough guy” who was deeply invested in his kids’ lives. A “tough guy” who had goals, aspirations, and regrets. I am ashamed of all of the harsh judgments I have made of people based on superficial, or shallow evidence of their character before actually working to know them. But then I love being wrong about someone.
Anyways, I tried getting out of construction. A few times. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy the work outside of construction. I love analytical work. I love numbers, problem-solving, researching, and learning. I just hate the confining structure and toxic culture of corporate America.
I love cycling. Not particularly road cycling, Tour De France style, although I enjoy it enough. I love mountain biking, and gravel riding. I like using a bike to take me away from people and into somewhere quiet, beautiful, intriguing, and challenging. I like to move myself under my own power and challenge myself to go farther, faster, or just experience a place in a new way. But still, cycling does not define me. Because cycling can be enjoyed and pursued in so many ways, and it remains only a small part of who I am.
So who am I? I’m not unique, I know that much. But I am not just my job, I’m more than my hobbies. I am an individual made up of different experiences, proclivities, and failures. Am I interesting? Hell, not any more than the next person. But I love meeting new people and learning about what makes them, them. So why not share what makes me, me.
Why “Driven to Distraction?”
Now looking back, this title seems to imply something to do with cars or driving, that’s not the intention. While I certainly have things I enjoy about cars, and have done my fair share of driving, that is in no way the focus of my writing. I do think it rolls through the saliva pretty smoothly. To anyone who hasn’t abandoned me after realizing I am not here to write about cars, you get to read about whatever thoughts I am bold enough to write and put out to the world. I am not yet sure how many thoughts will qualify for that honor.
1. Why I am writing.
I like writing. My writing is mostly random google docs of wide-ranging lengths and varying quality that are saved to that mysterious faraway cloud and are unlikely to ever be more than a recorded rant. There are a few odd attempts at fiction writing, and lots of opinions, but are overwhelmingly bike-riding ruminations with plenty of redundancy
Image- My muse. November sunrise, Tony Grove area, Logan Canyon. 30 Degrees F.
I’ve actually written a few articles on here, none of which I have published. Two of them are different pieces about my experience so far in starting my electrical contracting business and what I have learned so far. With both, I put hours into writing about my experiences, thoughts, and lessons learned, but ultimately the imposter syndrome and fear of harsh criticism held me back. I have found that in any group, be it accountants, electricians, car enthusiasts, or furry fetishes (I am guessing on the furry fetishes), there are always some overconfident, ego-driven people with something to prove and not enough restraint, perspective, or compassion to be of any discussional value, that tend to dominate online spaces. I would like to say I am strong enough to not care, but I can’t even witness their antics toward others without internalizing some of the judgment. (Is this proper vulnerability?) So this is all to say, I’m struggling to figure out something I can write about and carry through posting. If you were to follow my Facebook page you would be forgiven for getting a different idea of me. I’m not even sure why, but I feel more free to post on there, maybe because I can control who sees it, and I am comfortable fighting back or dismissing people who may antagonize me there.
2. Why would you like this substack?
People are inherently drawn to beauty. The Sistine Chapel, The towering monoliths of Monument Valley, the natural grandeur of Yosemite, Van Gogh’s captivating “Starry Night” have all caught the intrigue of people from around the world and from every background. What I strive to do here is much like those who have come before, but more in the way that people love to watch a building demolished. It’s chaotic, messy, unexpected, and a bit unnatural.
3. What to expect
Posts will likely be sporadic, although that is not my goal. I pride myself on being honest, so I’m trying not to bullshit you here, I’m not really reliable when it comes to sticking with routines and goals. Herein lies the reason I am a self-employed electrician. I refuse to act like something that I believe I am not. That is to say, I don’t do well in corporate environments. (You will undoubtedly get more cynical ranting pieces about my opinion of corporate culture- riveting stuff) I don’t know where I was going with this, that wasn’t planned, but is a good demonstration of what to expect, exciting huh?
George Washington is credited on a google image search as saying “The foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing...is a vice so mean and low, without any temptation, that every man of sense and character detests and despises it.” I respectfully think that is a bit dramatic.
Cursing is language, language is fluid, fluid can be sticky, sticky can be annoying, annoying things get stuck on your mind, things stuck on your mind become normal, and here we are. I had a better plan for this argument, but we fell off the rails.
Language is a big part of culture. Don’t forget that what is normal and respectable to you, may differ to others from other backgrounds. To a farmer, a banker with no concept of farm operations could seem ignorant, to the banker, the farmer could seem ignorant. We all have our specialties and our areas of knowledge. Some people have broader knowledge, some deeper. and sure, some just have plain less. This does feel like a tangent, but knowledge, culture, background, and language all share a common theme, in that they are not standardized.
In Utah, particularly among the more orthodox Mormons, swearing is treated like a mortal sin. But farmers are often given more leeway. Shit was life to farmers. You scooped the shit, you dodged the shit, you spread the shit. And when you got shit on you, you said “damn”, and nobody was too worried about it. Among the golden children of the religion, a curse came with the feeling of a satanic presence. I would argue that feeling was more about a fragile worldview being suddenly exposed to something outside the safety of a sheltered homogenous culture of religious pressures, but hell, maybe it’s actually Stan of the underworld.
Ya, these paragraphs aren’t clearly making my point, but I’m not deleting them, I’m putting them out there in all their weird glory. Sometimes I was going for some weird humor, sarcasm, or a serious argument, but as this is an introduction, I’m just allowing you to see some of the magic behind the curtain. /s- in case you didn’t feel it.
These numbered points were all supposed to be an argument and disclaimer to say, I don’t have a problem with selective cursing. Sure I could pull up the thesaurus and try to find a hard-hitting adjective to get my point across, or maybe I’ll just use “Fuck!” It works, it is honest, it is real. And if someday I have to use my writing here for a job application to a prudish hiring manager, maybe I’ll edit out the expletives and attempt to look refined and domesticated. Until that sad day, I will try to stay far below the curse quota of your average stereotypical sailor. Bullshit will be common because so many situations in life can be described best simply by relating them to bullshit.
I think that scratches the surface, down to the perfect point of pain and a little blood, but you’re turned on by the thrill and feel the slight sensation of adrenaline and euphoria. The sweet spot.
Anyways, I hope that is an adequate introduction to the dumpster fire I expect it to be.
Introduction
Thanks, I’ve had light anxiety all morning wondering if I shouldn’t have published it. I’m more bold at night. I’m going to try to be regular with it
Congratulations on your first published post. I enjoyed your candor. I was thinking the other day about people I've known for a long time and you're easily in the top 10. I believe we were in the same kindergarten class. I'll have to look at my old photos. My point is that I've known you for a while but I haven't really gotten to know you. So I'm excited to see what you publish.
Anyway, keep up the writing. The biggest piece of advice I could give you is to be consistent with your publishing. I've found that it keeps me accountable and keeps the ideas flowing. But ultimately, you can do whatever you please. I'll be here to read it regardless.